The Journey of Self-Discovery: Finding Your Authentic Path

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In today's email, we're exploring ideas from Carl Rogers' influential work, On Becoming A Person*. Rogers understood that becoming our true selves is a lifelong journey that requires both courage and compassion.

Today you'll learn about:

• Freeing Yourself From "Should" Language

• Using Regret as a Guide to Your Values

Here are 2 quotes, 2 tips, and 1 question to help you build healthy habits this week...

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2 Quotes

1. "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." - Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person (1961)*

    

2. “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination." - Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person (1961)*

2 Tips

1) Drop 'Should' From Your Self-Talk

Why:

The word "should" seems harmless, but it often acts as a silent saboteur of our wellbeing. When we tell ourselves "I should exercise more" or "I should be more patient," we're actually creating internal pressure and judgment rather than motivation. Rogers believed that true growth comes from honest self-acceptance, not from criticism or obligation.

"Should" language disconnects us from what we genuinely feel or desire, making it harder to understand our authentic needs and values. By replacing "should" with more truthful language, we open the door to real self-discovery and lasting change.

Transform your inner dialogue with these simple yet powerful steps:

• Catch yourself in the act: Pay attention to when "should" appears in your thoughts. You might notice it most when you're feeling guilty, stressed, or comparing yourself to others. Simply becoming aware of this pattern is your first victory.

   

• Reframe with honesty: Replace "should" statements with language that reflects what's actually true for you right now:

  • Instead of "I should meditate every morning," try "I notice I'm not meditating regularly" or "I want to feel more centered in my mornings"

  • Replace "I should call my friend back" with "I value this friendship and want to connect when I have the energy to be present"

   

• Ask yourself these revealing questions:

  • “Where did this 'should' come from? Is it truly my value, or someone else's expectation?"

  • "What do I genuinely want in this situation?"

  • "What would feel most authentic right now?"

     

• Track the shift: In a small notebook, record how your motivation and follow-through change when you replace "should" language with more authentic statements. Many people find they actually accomplish more when the pressure of "should" is removed.

Resources to support you:

•  The Gifts of Imperfection* by Brené Brown offers wonderful insights on releasing the tyranny of "shoulds" and embracing authenticity.

• Try our course, The Mindfulness Roadmap, if you want to bring more mindfulness into your daily life and awareness to your use “should”.

 2) Welcome Regret as a Signpost for Values

Why:

We often treat regret as something to avoid at all costs - a painful emotion that serves no purpose except to make us feel bad about ourselves. But what if regret actually contains valuable information?

Carl Rogers believed that our feelings, even difficult ones, point us toward our truest selves. Regret specifically highlights the gap between our actions and our deepest values. When we welcome regret rather than pushing it away, it becomes less about shame and more about clarity, showing us what matters most and guiding us toward greater alignment with our authentic selves. Instead of letting regret keep you stuck in the past, you can use it as a compass for moving forward with greater purpose.


Transform your relationship with regret through these practical steps:

• Create a judgment-free space: When regret surfaces, take a deep breath and remind yourself that all emotions, including difficult ones, contain wisdom. Find a quiet moment to sit with the feeling without trying to push it away or fix it immediately.

   

• Name the specific regret: Write it down in clear, simple language: "I regret not speaking up in that meeting" or "I regret spending so much time on my phone instead of being present with my family."

   

• Uncover the hidden value: Ask yourself: "What does this regret reveal about what's important to me?" For example, regret about not speaking up might indicate you value honesty and self-expression. Regret about phone use might point to how much you value presence and connection.

   

• Transform insight into intention: Based on the value you've identified, create a specific, positive intention for the future. Instead of "I'll never waste time again" (which isn't helpful), try: "I'll set aside my phone during dinner to honor my value of family connection."

   

• Take one small action: Choose something small you can do today to honor the value your regret revealed. Making even a tiny move forward helps transform regret from a weight into a catalyst.

   

• Practice self-compassion: Remind yourself that regret means you care deeply. Say to yourself: "I'm feeling this because I matter and my values matter. This discomfort is guiding me toward growth."

Resources to support you:

• The Valued Living Questionnaire can help you clarify your core values, making it easier to interpret what your regrets are telling you.

1 Question

When did you last trust your own feelings, even when they surprised or unsettled you? What happened next?

Below is a powerful bonus quote from Carl Rogers on trusting your instincts:

“One of the basic things which I was a long time in realizing, and which I am still learning, is that when an activity feels as though it is valuable or worth doing, it is worth doing. Put another way, I have learned that my total organismic sensing of a situation is more trustworthy than my intellect.” - Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person (1961)*

Thanks for reading! As you move through your days this week, remember it’s not about getting to some ideal destination or state, it’s about heading in the right direction.

With gratitude,

MindfulMornings

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